Keeping dreams alive amidst the gloom

Thoughts on changing plans and new opportunities

Who were you before 2020 cast its cruel shadow upon us all? Perhaps you were mostly the same, minus the disrupted sleep patterns and daily heavy sigh as you catch a glimpse of your reflection in the mirror and realise that you’re in for another day of this.

Perhaps you wrestle between feelings of frustration and the awareness that you have so much to be thankful for. A year in which the thread of heartbreak has been so intricately woven has caused suffering to so many, with more still to come, and yet you’re still here. Alive. With so much still to give.

It’s hard to dream, as we did before, when our priorities have appeared so sharply in focus. Superficial desires have been replaced with the simple wish to stay happy and healthy amongst the people you care about most.

It’s not that we don’t dream at all. I challenge you to name a single day you didn’t wish you were in a different world where no one had ever heard of COVID-19 and everything was simple. Now, it seems, our dreams are pure escapism. 

Before the pandemic, my primary dreams and goals were centred around making a living from music and being generally creative. I had others, of course. To find love, and better health, for example. But these were more reliant on fate than the former, which felt tangible and achievable. Now I spend most days wishing I was my age now but in the 90s. 

When my industry starts to get back underway, it’s most likely to benefit a select few large venues, promoters labels and acts before gradually filtering down to the DIY scene. I used to enjoy travelling to perform live, and one day I wanted to play shows abroad and actually go on a plane some time. Now we travel the world from our bedrooms via Instagram live. Or, at least I did for a while before it all felt too much like a reminder of what we’ve lost. 

Of course, the music industry is not all about live performance. Music doesn’t have to be a collective real-life experience, and it’s possible - if difficult - for musicians to survive off recorded music alone. We are adapting, as we should. Hence the newsletter, cough cough. It hurts, but sometimes life throws these obstacles at us and we have to find new ways to achieve our goals.

2020 has also introduced running to my life, accompanied by new dreams such as running a faster 5K and even stretching to 10K eventually. Without lockdown, I wouldn’t have even considered downloading the couch to 5K app this year, but running has enriched my life in multiple amazing ways. One of my most treasured memories of this year will no doubt be the time I was running along a downhill pavement to the soundtrack of Sugababes’ Hole In The Head, its unique structure and general mid 2000s underrated-ness creating a sense of euphoria in my brain I can only imagine was akin to that felt by people in the Hacienda in the late 80s to early 90s. Or something. 

I have friends who have taken to sewing face masks for the local community or learnt crafts such as embroidery, which randomly seems to be having a wholesome comeback that I am completely here for. More of us are taking an interest in nature, too, with hobbies like gardening and bird-watching becoming ever more popular. How many of us would have actually taken the time to identify a species of butterfly this year were it not for this awful pandemic?

I guess my point here, if there is indeed one i’m trying to make, is that for every negative situation we find ourselves in, there is always a positive to be created from it. No matter how dark things are - however endless the gloom - there will always be dreamers. Our dreams may shift and adapt, but they are still there. And we will continue to do wonderful things despite the challenges we face.

And now time for some other stuff…

Things that have been floating around in my head this week:

• I’m absolutely gutted Max Branning is leaving EastEnders. That is all.

• Just joking, that is not all. But right now it’s eclipsed EVERYTHING!!!!!!!!!!!

UPDATE ON THE EXCRUCIATING MORAL DILEMMA:

In the first newsletter, I presented a fictional moral dilemma involving Michelle Mcmanus and Daniel from One True Voice frustratedly standing in the queue for the customer service desk at a Debenhams store for whom you were selecting the musical output from a tiny room above it. You may remember that you had one track left to play for the day, but the computer system was down. After rummaging through various drawers, you found two dusty CD singles - one of All This Time by Michelle McManus, and one of Sacred Trust by One True Voice. I asked for you, the readers, to make a choice between the two. One person commented with the simple words

“I choose Michelle.”

I commend you for doing so, as many would have faltered, dropping both CDs and leaving the store. But you stuck your neck out and boldly pressed play on All This Time. I can tell you that as a result of your actions, Michelle’s facial expression transformed from one of deep frustration to one of pleasant surprise. She began to tap her foot along to the beat (admittedly quite slowly), then turned on her heel and swaggered out of the shop with the kind of swagger one can only possess when they have rediscovered their mojo. The shoe queue had almost broken her for a moment, as she waited for Daniel to negotiate a refund for his drawing pin-punctured sole with an increasingly agitated customer service agent who argued it was his fault, not theirs. But because of your decision, she remembered who she was. She tossed her stilettos, heel missing on the left foot, into a nearby bin and walked all the way home with the same consistent swagger, humming her song on repeat. She didn’t need their shoes or their money. Daniel, on the other hand, had to keep his punctured shoe. Though disappointed, he didn’t let it get to him and picked up a Greggs on the way home. All’s well that ends well. Including this segment which I probably won’t ever do ever again.

From the 70s cookbook:

If you follow me on social media, you’ll have noticed that I recently announced a new feature for this newsletter where every few weeks I bake something from a family cookbook we’ve had for several decades called The Dairy Book of Home Cookery. Written in the 70s, it contains both savoury and sweet recipes from the sublime (the scone recipe is one I still use whenever I want… a scone…) to the entire section dedicated to fondues. It’s also surprisingly multicultural (anyone for ‘Syrian Salad’?), yet also contains a recipe for Tripe and Onions. It’s a book that has fascinated me my whole life, and one with so many bakes I have yet to try. So I have made a big list of every sweet recipe that I can stomach or have the equipment for, and this week it’s the turn of….

Coconut ‘Pyramids’

These were surprisingly quick to make, with the only slightly time-consuming task being the whisking of the egg whites. Luckily, whisking egg whites is one of my favourite baking tasks, so I enjoyed making them. They may not be pyramids - my mixture was a bit too sloppy - but they are surprisingly tasty biscuits. 

Difficulty - 3/10 

Taste - 9/10 (yes, I went there, i really rated them that highly)

Terrible bird photography of the week:

Thanks for reading.

emzae