A year spent searching for joy and distraction

Goodbye 2021, my pandemic-addled brain literally had to strain to remember much about you

Dec 20, 2021

(Photo courtesy of my friend Maddy)

Characteristically for the so-called ‘year’ (still convinced I fell asleep one day in February and woke up in December) that is 2021, I am writing its roundup newsletter in a state of dodgy health (cheers to that Thai takeaway I had, without adding anymore unnecessary details), vague remnants of something I think used to be called motivation, and a general lack of recollection of anything of note that has happened in the past 12 months without being prompted.

All that aside, I am above all thankful to be here. Upon consulting my camera roll, I have discovered that there were still many personal highlights of the year in which we all thought we’d defeated the boss level, only to find that there was an extra bonus boss level as a reward for our trouble. So I thought i’d share some.

Piano woman

Early in the year, I bought my first ever digital piano with some money I have made from music over the past few years. Since then, I have been gradually teaching myself to play it with the help of several books. I love learning new things and i’m so thankful to be able to have such a beautiful instrument to hand now. See you in 2050 when I can play it enough to release a piano ballad album.

Running (and not just from the rona)

One of the greatest surprises of 2020 for me was that I was able to somehow drag my body to complete a couch to 5k programme. Since then, running has become a joyous part of my life which gives me a sense of fulfilment and independence. Although I am not able to do it as consistently as I would like due to my illness, I try and do things in my own way at my own pace and in the words of Mariah, make it happen. My proudest and happiest moment of 2021 was completing my first ever parkrun. I can’t explain what it meant to me to re-ignite a part of me that had been in hiding for so many years.

At the fairground on the way

When most Covid restrictions were removed here in the UK back in July, I struggled for a while to cope with watching all of my healthy friends going out to places that still weren’t safe for the likes of me. The solution I came up with was to basically attend any local outdoor gathering that was loosely connected to a party atmosphere. Well, that’s somewhat of an exaggeration because I went to about three.

One of the most memorable was a fireworks display in which me and a friend went on a fairground ride without realising the impact it would have on two people whose greatest source of adrenaline for about 18 months was correctly guessing when the BBC One announcer was about to introduce a public information film rather than the next programme (well, speaking for myself, anyway).

We were SO HAPPY JUST TO FEEL SOMETHING.

Career firsts

This year I managed to get on my first ever Apple Music editorial playlist, appear in an audio documentary on BBC 6music, play my first ever support slots and speak on my first ever panel. As someone who came into music knowing literally no one in the industry and at the time of writing has only ever been to London twice, I am equally proud of all of these achievements. Every new step is both a thrill and a reward for all of the days I still spend as a complete novice wondering “how the hell do people do that? And how can I somehow get to do that?” Next year i’d love to play my first proper summer festival, so let’s all manifest it!!!! GET YOUR CANDLE EMOJIS OUT PLEASE EMBAES. I’ve been trying to work out how to crack that one for about 5 years! LITERALLY NO JOKE.

Honourable mentions:

The day I saw a squirrel push a block of ice with its tiny paws
Every single time I posted an out of context eastenders clip on my instagram stories
Singing along in the pouring rain to cry me a river by Justin Timberlake at the aforementioned fireworks display
The day I finally got yeast to rise
Literally can’t remember anything else but i’m sure there were more

and finally…

Commemorating the anniversary of the finest (roughly) 30 minute pantomime ever aired on British television

As I write, it is the 20th December. Which can mean only one thing to those who know and celebrate this most treasured of days. On this very date back in 2012, the nation gathered around their TV sets blissfully unaware that they were about to witness this:

Earlier in the summer, Eastenders’ very own Kat Slater had embarked on a bizarre whodunnit storyline in which she was frequently seen cheating on her husband Alfie scumbag-in-sheeps-clothing Moon with a mystery figure, often portrayed as a gust of wind or a shadow.

For months, we were kept on tenterhooks. Who could it be? One memorable episode of what i’d crown as Eastenders’ most chaotic year, featured Kat giving a suspicious look to each member of the queen vic football team, which left the audience guessing but must have confused everyone she wasn’t having an affair with.

But it all came down to that fateful day in December, when legendary soap writer Simon Ashdown managed to take a turd and serve it up as a gourmet meal. Trust me when I say that unless you want to frequently stare at the TV saying “WTF”, I would skip straight to the reveal episode and watch it out of context. BECAUSE IT’S GENUINELY VERY ENJOYABLE. I’M NOT JOKING WHEN I SAY I LOVE IT. IT’S GENUINELY HILARIOUS AND WELL ACTED. IT SHOULD BE THE UK’S VERSION OF THE GERMAN TRADITION OF WATCHING DINNER FOR ONE EACH CHRISTMAS.

And yes, I post about this every year and usually do something stupid on my instagram stories to celebrate.

and finally finally…

I’d like to take a moment to say a massive, massive thank you to everyone who has continued to support my work over the past year - from the radio stations to the blogs, photographers, writers, likers and sharers and everyone who discovered me for the first time in 2021. As always, I must reiterate that I am always incredibly appreciative of your time and love.

Loads more stuff coming next year, so watch this space!

emzae x

Extra stuff:

Link: Did you know I wrote/made a demo of a Christmas song back in 2016? It gets better as it goes along…